I’m always inspired by Roar Guru Tony’s inspired articles on lists and best of teams based on a quirky criteria.
So here’s my attempt: the top XI of players who should not be considered a possible replacement for David Warner.
1. Jackson Bird: after 9 tests and a top score of 19 not out, 36 year old “Squid” is considered too tall and lanky to face the new ball.
2. Joe Burns: “Monty” is the forgotten hero who was once considered the perfect partner for Dave. But with Dave bowing out, it seems this power plant overseeing antediluvian will be disqualified because he’s from Queensland.
3. Aaron Finch: Having Finch and Bird at the top of the perch could ruffle feathers.
4. Sam Rainbird: See Aaron Finch.
5. Hilton Cartwright: Look I like Hilton, but a bit too Shane Watsonish. The other Hilton, Paris has flagged interest in the position but already has enough to do being GM of MENSA.
6. ScoMo: His calling of runs would be incredibly problematic with his inability to utter the words “Yes” or “No” in public.
7. Big Show: The 7 foot, 500 pound wrestling giant is far inferior to Roar champion, Rusty Brooks.
8. Justin Langer: Strong leader. Excellent player. Elitely honest. His polarising personality means he can only play in Santa’s homeland or Antartica.
9. Joel Paris: It’s hardly fair to rule out one Paris but not another. It’s called the Paris Agreement.
10. Peter Siddle: The bleached haircut reminds me too much of Kevin Pietersen. But for P.S. a call up would be a nice postscript on his career.
11. Alex Hales: I can think of at least 15 reasons not to pick a player from the Thunder.
Ultimately, there needs to be a rule introduced whereby any player who is dropped/retired/sold must be replaced by a same state player. That ensures integrity, lineage and an enduring dynasty.
With this in mind, there’s only one choice: NSW Ben Dwarshius. Dwarshy. The Dwarshinator. The next big thing of Australian cricket.
Congrats Ben. As common law requires, you have already received your baggy green when you first were selected for NSW. Go well.